Toronto, The Weekend, and other happenings.

My trip to Canada was good. Just good. I have always enjoyed taking trips by myself because it lets me clear my head, relax, and give my vocal cords a rest, but this time my trip was uneventful. It is all my fault, I know, I am usually very anal about planning my trips down to the last detail but this time I decided to just figure it out when I got there which was a big mistake. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the city and what it had to offer.
Before I left I kept monitoring the weather in CA and it was always in the 40’s and low 50’s so I was ready with my coat and lots and lots of sweaters. When I get to the airport I noticed that everyone is wearing shorts and t-shirts so I knew my coat was probably a bit overboard. Although for me 50 is still cold, apparently in CA 50 is great weather. When I get to CA the weather is beautiful and I was kind of disappointed because I was looking forward to wearing my scarf that doubles as a shawl, it even matched my coat and everything. Perhaps I will get to use my scarf next winter.
When I first got to Toronto my first impression was of a NYC pre Gulianni. Do you remember NYC when it was full of graffiti and dirty? That is what Toronto reminds me of, although it isn’t as bad and it is a lot safer that was my first impression. I really didn’t do anything on Friday because I got in kind of late and I was really tired. Saturday was spent walking through the different neighborhoods and relaxing in many of the public squares they have in Toronto. I did all of the typical touristy stuff like going to CN Tower, Rogers Center (?), China Tow, The Gay Village, Greek Town, some sort of market, etc. I had the BEST Dim Sum, EVER!!! I went to this little place in China Town off of Padina and it was amazing, the best dim sum I have ever had by far. That night I met up with Carlos and Kim and they took me to one of their favorite restaurants where Kim ordered all of our food in Cantonese for the three of us without asking what we want to eat. I was a little disturbed by that, I LOVE food and I like to have a say in what I am going to eat. Soon after, the staff was bringing lots of food to the table, by a lot I mean 8 different dishes. 8…….there were only three of us. Needless to say we hardly made a dent in the food but it was good.
After dinner we went out to the gay bars in Toronto. Have you ever seen the show Queer as Folk? Have you noticed how gay, crowded, and lively their gay neighborhood is? Toronto is nothing like that. I have seen the show once or twice before and I thought the gay district looked very big and so full of people. Well, when we got there the hood is only 2 city blocks. I was a little disappointed but the clubs were good. They played good music and they are very small so they don’t let a lot of people in at the same time. I think they must bus people in from the surrounding cities when they film the show because there was hardly anyone there. I met some people from Dallas that night and it seems a lot of us fled the DFW area for the weekend. We exchanged numbers so we could get together when we got back to town but I already misplaced their numbers. Maybe they will call me.

I was suppose to go to Niagara Falls on Sunday with a tour from the hotel I was staying at but I did something I don’t normally do, I slept in. I forgot to ask the hotel for a wake up call so I didn’t wake up on time. So instead of Niagara Falls, which I was really looking forward to going to, I walked around the city and did some more shopping (see previous entry).
On Sunday there was a protest in front of my hotel, it seems protesters like to follow me wherever I go, so I walked over to the group to find out what they were protesting and it turns out that it was the Falum Dong school of thought from China. Recently, Wade has become a big follower of their philosophies and has started practicing but he has never been able to explain the philosophies to me in a manner in which I can understand so I sat through a little lecture and a meditation session that helped me get a better idea of what they are all about. I still don’t understand all of their ideas and philosophies but I have a better grasp of the whole thing.


I really didn’t get to do much after the conference started because I had to try to get some work done in the afternoons while I was in Canada. I had to switch hotels to be closer to the conference and it would have cost me CAD50 to get to downtown Toronto so I decided to stick around the hotel area. There really wasn’t much to do in the afternoons around the hotel so we all (including my new love) hanged out in the hotel and drank. A lot. The conference had a social hour immediately following the conference and we all took advantage of the free drink opportunities. It was great, I love drinking with compliance people, they get so passionate about compliance issues that it is kind of funny. They had raffles every afternoon and I won twice but I had to pass on the opportunity because of the luggage situation. Next time I am going to pack an extra bag just in case.

That is really all I have to report. I met some interesting people and I learned a lot about what is going on in the industry.

Toronto, The Weekend, and other happenings.

My trip to Canada was good. Just good. I have always enjoyed taking trips by myself because it lets me clear my head, relax, and give my vocal cords a rest, but this time my trip was uneventful. It is all my fault, I know, I am usually very anal about planning my trips down to the last detail but this time I decided to just figure it out when I got there which was a big mistake. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the city and what it had to offer.
Before I left I kept monitoring the weather in CA and it was always in the 40’s and low 50’s so I was ready with my coat and lots and lots of sweaters. When I get to the airport I noticed that everyone is wearing shorts and t-shirts so I knew my coat was probably a bit overboard. Although for me 50 is still cold, apparently in CA 50 is great weather. When I get to CA the weather is beautiful and I was kind of disappointed because I was looking forward to wearing my scarf that doubles as a shawl, it even matched my coat and everything. Perhaps I will get to use my scarf next winter.
When I first got to Toronto my first impression was of a NYC pre Gulianni. Do you remember NYC when it was full of graffiti and dirty? That is what Toronto reminds me of, although it isn’t as bad and it is a lot safer that was my first impression. I really didn’t do anything on Friday because I got in kind of late and I was really tired. Saturday was spent walking through the different neighborhoods and relaxing in many of the public squares they have in Toronto. I did all of the typical touristy stuff like going to CN Tower, Rogers Center (?), China Tow, The Gay Village, Greek Town, some sort of market, etc. I had the BEST Dim Sum, EVER!!! I went to this little place in China Town off of Padina and it was amazing, the best dim sum I have ever had by far. That night I met up with Carlos and Kim and they took me to one of their favorite restaurants where Kim ordered all of our food in Cantonese for the three of us without asking what we want to eat. I was a little disturbed by that, I LOVE food and I like to have a say in what I am going to eat. Soon after, the staff was bringing lots of food to the table, by a lot I mean 8 different dishes. 8…….there were only three of us. Needless to say we hardly made a dent in the food but it was good.
After dinner we went out to the gay bars in Toronto. Have you ever seen the show Queer as Folk? Have you noticed how gay, crowded, and lively their gay neighborhood is? Toronto is nothing like that. I have seen the show once or twice before and I thought the gay district looked very big and so full of people. Well, when we got there the hood is only 2 city blocks. I was a little disappointed but the clubs were good. They played good music and they are very small so they don’t let a lot of people in at the same time. I think they must bus people in from the surrounding cities when they film the show because there was hardly anyone there. I met some people from Dallas that night and it seems a lot of us fled the DFW area for the weekend. We exchanged numbers so we could get together when we got back to town but I already misplaced their numbers. Maybe they will call me.

I was suppose to go to Niagara Falls on Sunday with a tour from the hotel I was staying at but I did something I don’t normally do, I slept in. I forgot to ask the hotel for a wake up call so I didn’t wake up on time. So instead of Niagara Falls, which I was really looking forward to going to, I walked around the city and did some more shopping (see previous entry).
On Sunday there was a protest in front of my hotel, it seems protesters like to follow me wherever I go, so I walked over to the group to find out what they were protesting and it turns out that it was the Falum Dong school of thought from China. Recently, Wade has become a big follower of their philosophies and has started practicing but he has never been able to explain the philosophies to me in a manner in which I can understand so I sat through a little lecture and a meditation session that helped me get a better idea of what they are all about. I still don’t understand all of their ideas and philosophies but I have a better grasp of the whole thing.


I really didn’t get to do much after the conference started because I had to try to get some work done in the afternoons while I was in Canada. I had to switch hotels to be closer to the conference and it would have cost me CAD50 to get to downtown Toronto so I decided to stick around the hotel area. There really wasn’t much to do in the afternoons around the hotel so we all (including my new love) hanged out in the hotel and drank. A lot. The conference had a social hour immediately following the conference and we all took advantage of the free drink opportunities. It was great, I love drinking with compliance people, they get so passionate about compliance issues that it is kind of funny. They had raffles every afternoon and I won twice but I had to pass on the opportunity because of the luggage situation. Next time I am going to pack an extra bag just in case.

That is really all I have to report. I met some interesting people and I learned a lot about what is going on in the industry.

I am in love

I knew it was bound to happen in Canada, I just didn’t know with whom. I fell in love. His name is (say it with a Yugoslavian/French accent) Hugo and he is absolutely adorable. He has the sexiest accent I have ever heard, and although he doesn’t know it yet, he is mine, all mine. I sat by him for most of the conference just to hear him speak and I got chills every time he said my name…uhhhhhh. Wait, I need a moment……. Alright, I am ready now. He works for a company that manufactures paper and paper products and he gets a discount on toilet paper. Isn’t that fabulous? Toilet paper, we all use toilet paper and it’s not like you could ever have to much toilet paper. Just when you’ve given up on using the facilities you have to go again. You always need more. I seriously think I am in love, if nothing else just for the benefits that would coming with dating someone like Hugo.

I have an addiction.

I am about to make a confession, a confession that I hope my friends and family don’t use against me later or judge harshly. Just remember, I am only human and I am allowed to have flaws.

I have an addiction. Yes, I have a problem. I have kept it a secret for many years now but this weekend forced me to look at myself from a different angle and it showed me that I am a weak, weak man. I can’t help it; sometimes I just do it because it is there. I don’t really need it, but I can’t seem to stop myself. My addiction is shopping. More specifically, shopping for shoes. I have more shoes than anyone I know, I really don’t need one more pair but I couldn’t help it. There are so many shoe stores in Toronto it was like being in heaven, a dirty heaven but heaven nevertheless. I started shopping on Saturday and I did pretty good, I bought a few shirts and some other things I don’t need and will probably never use. On Sunday, I broke down. I walked into a shoe store, just to check it out, I didn’t want the shoes to feel neglected, and I walked out with a pair of shoes. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to buy anything else that day because I didn’t have room in my suitcase. Later that day I was walking passed an Aldo’s shoe store and I couldn’t help but go in. There was a sign on the window that said 50% off. Yes, 50%. I love Aldo shoes and I normally buy their shoes for the full price so I had to go in. How could I not, it was half off. At first I didn’t see anything that I liked but give me 15 minutes in a store and I walked out with two pairs of shoes. If you are keeping track, that is 3 pairs total. Keep in mind that I don’t have space in my luggage to take them back home. Aldo’s is based in Canada and they are the Starbucks of Canada, they have stores in every corner. As I am walking through the city I keep running into more Aldo shoe stores and I am starting to believe that they were strategically placed in my path to test my will power. I seriously saw and went into at least 5 Aldo shoe stores within a mile radius. All said and done I ended p with 4 pairs of shoes. WAIT, before you judge me, they were on sale and I got a GREAT deal on all of them, except maybe the first pair I bought, but I love them and I would never think about taking them back.

I go back home tomorrow and I am wondering what trick I will need to pull to get all of these shoes back home. I am at a conference full of logistics and compliance professionals, perhaps I should propose my situation as a case study and have them provide a solution and a rate quote by the end of the day.

Oh, one more thing. All of the boots at Aldo’s were on sale. Had they had them in my size I would have bough two pairs. Guess what I am doing this weekend? I am going to the closest Aldo’s in TX and looking for my boots.

I am ready for an intervention.

Week in review

The whole time change has really screwed me up three times now. I think I have updated all of the watches, clocks, alarms, etc that I have so it should not happen again. I can't be late anymore.

I finally reserved my hotel for my trip to Canada. Thanks to my friend Noboru I got a reeealy good deal at a really nice hotel. I still don't know what I am going to do while I am there but at least I have part of it taken care of. The hotel I am staying at is close to everything so I may just plan it in when I get there. I can't wait to get out of town.

I talked to W. today and him and his 25 closest friends are going to Vegas in June/July. I am considering joining them. They are staying at The Palm, I am not sure I can afford that. But who knows, it will be nice to go to Vegas with people who actually like to have some fun. I can finally have the Vegas experience I didn't get last time I was there. Who knows.....it will be a good opportunity to spend some time with W. and get out of town again.

WOW Weekend

Climbing
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Here are a few pictures of my weekend and the ropes course I took as part of a leadership course. It was the most amazing time I have had with a group of strangers in my life. If I could do it over again....I would.

Sunday I took part of the Tarrant County AIDS Walk but we were a little late so we missed most of the people.

Tight Wire

Tight Wire
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Tight Wire Pose

Tight Wire Pose
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Log

Log
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Transfering

Transfering
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Tight Rope 4

Tight Rope 4
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Swinging

Swinging
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

I figured out why The Straights get married

My brother has been visiting this week for Spring Break and all week long he has been cleaning and cooking. When I get home from work or from whatever activity I have going on there is something in the refrigerator waiting for me. I had pork chops one night and steak the other. Who could ask for anything else? And it really wasn’t all about the food, it was more about sharing household chores. He cooks, I clean, I take out the trash, etc.
So I was thinking, is this why The Straights get married? Two people, half the work. It makes total sense to me. Although some (especially women) would argue that women do most of the work, the fact that you have two people working towards the same goal makes things so much easier. This whole sharing responsibility thing is wonderful. I have made a decision. A decision that I hope to keep. I, CR, will get married or move in with someone within the next year…or 2…or 10. Yes, within the next 10 years. Imagine how much more convenient my life would be.

That is it, my petition to for The Gays to get married is the mail.

New York New York

New York New York
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Eiffel Tower

Eiffel Tower
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Eiffel Tower

Eiffel Tower
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Metal and Fabric

Metal and Fabric
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Metal and Sky

Metal and Sky
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Golden Goose

Golden Goose
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

The Real Vegas Part 2

The Real Vegas Part 2
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

The Real Vegas Part 1

The Real Vegas Part 1
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

Vegas At Night

Vegas At Night
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

View from the top of the Eiffel Tower

My House is a Home AGAIN.

I cleaned for a few hours on Sunday and my house is clean once again. I have been a bit busy for the past few weeks and have not had a chance to clean my house until today. It smells clean, it looks uncluttered, and I feel at home again. When my house is a mess I would rather not be here because it makes me feels as if my life was also a mess and I would rather not think about that.
I got a lot done today, I almost finished my PM paper, I took a bunch of books to Half Price, I cleaned, and I visited with family. I decided to put my homework off for today, that means I will need to do it during the week.

I also got a chance to upload my pictures from Vegas so I will be posting a few of those later.

Vegas

I am back from Vegas and I had a good time.

I am not going to bore you with to much of the details because 1. I know you don't care and 2. I can't write freely about what I want to write.
I got to see my parents on Sunday in Vegas and that was the highlight of my trip. I thought about hiding in the trunk of their car and have them take me back home to California. I was so close to going back home...so close. (Humming California here I come..or is it San Francisco here I come?)I think my parents would love to have me back in CA, I just don't think I could ever live with them.

Anyway. Here is a summary of my trip in 50 word or less, Ready?

Missed flight and had to wait at airport for almost six hours. Didn't gamble that much, visited with parents. Did some shopping. Hanged around the pool and relaxed. Walked a lot, my feet hurt. For the juicy part, you are going to have to call me and find out.

Mid Week and all is Well

I have another presentation tomorrow and I am not ready. I have tried to prepare but I am just not into it. The good thing is that it is about compliance issues in CA and I know the subject like the back of my hand so it should not be to difficult. I just hope I can fill my one hour slot with useless information that nobody will remember after they have left the room.

I also have a lunch with my co-workers. They decided they wanted to do an "international" theme lunch so everyone is bringing a dish that they have prepared at home. If you have talked to me about work lately you know how disappointed I am with my work team. I just don't think I can sit there for two hours and pretend to be happy with them. I still don't know what I am taking, I am probably going to stop at a grocery chain and pick something up. Or if I conveniently forget, I can say I am not going to go and eat their food since I didn't bring anything.

KB...why did you abandon me? WHY? Oh, I have a lot of news to tell you. A bunch of people are leaving the P. You are going to be so surprised when I tell you who it is. There are definitely more changes coming, I can feel it.
I was looking at the SR list and you still have like 4 SR's out there. Even after you left your ideas are still working for us. :)

It is mid week...but I guess all is not well. Have you noticed that have been complaining in most of my post lately? I need to get that attitude in check.

Life and the challenges that Come with It.

I haven't really been blogging lately I think it is because I don't really have much to say. I know that is shocking for those of you who know me but I seem to be going through a very busy time in my life where I have a million and one things going at the same time and they are keeping me very busy. I became involved with a gay organization in town and it is taking up a lot more time than I expected. I won't be writing to much about the group and I will try to keep my personal life and my group life as separated as possible but I am having fun. I have met a lot of interesting people and I think it will help me grow as a person.

I am not going to write about the Austin trip Chico and I took a few weeks ago, Chico did a very good job at recapping that trip. I did have a blast and we are planning on going back the weekend of March the 11th to attend a political event.

I am going to Vegas this weekend and I plan on having a good time. I will be in the City of Sin, I may sin a little :) or not, you know me. I am just excited to get away from work and DFW for a while. It is suppose to rain most of the time we are there so I hope we can find things to do. I went and had lunch with Sarah and Eli on Wednesday and Sarah gave me good suggestions on what to do. My parents are still planning on joining us for the weekend. My mom called me tonight and her arm is hurting a lot. Did I mention that she fell and broke her arm about two months ago? Well, they took the cast off today and apparently she is in a lot of pain. If she is still in pain this weekend she will reconsider going to Vegas but I think my dad and sister will still go.

I still don't have a dog. I can't seem to find a dog that I like. I may just have to get a black and white poodle. But can you really see me walking a poodle? We will see, I don't want to get a dog that I will be ashamed to walk. By the way, I am still taking donations for my labradoodle, you can just send them directly to my house. :)

My economics class is killing me and Wade isn't as much help as I hoped he would be. He is always working and by the time he is on his way home I am already asleep. I have decided that being a restauranteur is not worth the pain and sacrifice. I hear what the poor guy has to deal and I am not sure it is worth it (for me). Now when we talk it is mostly about recipe's (not that I mind, you know I salivate talking about food)and about what is going on with the restaurants. I guess I should give an update on what is going on with Wade.....but perhaps that will happen another night.

I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought. By the way...I am really glad that you guys started blogging again. :)

It's 10:30 p.m. do you know where your Cesar is?

Yes, it is 10:30 at night and I am still at work. We are going live with a new system on Monday and we are trying to get everything done by tomorrow so that we don't have to come to work on Friday.
They are still working on setting up the servers and it is going to take them another 45 minutes. By the time we test and verify the system it will be 1 or 2 in the morning. We all have to be back up here at 7 a.m. to continue with the second server. Yawn. I am so tired...I am at the point of exhaustion.

I am driving to Houston with Chico tomorrow. I am going to be such a poor traveling companion. The good thing is that it is Chico and that we get to go :) For a while I thought we were going to have to cancel because I was going to have to work this weekend but it has been confirmed and I am out of here.

Right now we are living off of coffee, pizza, cookies, and stolen creamer. If we stay here much longer we are going to have to go and raid the refrigerator on other floors.

Another Sleepless Night

I am beginning to thing I have a problem, I can't seem to get a good night's sleep these days. Well, unless I have been drinking and then I can sleep like a log.

I had a pretty productive weekend. Saturday was kind of busy but I got a lot done. I met a friend in HEB for boba tea and after that I decided to get a hair cut at the salon next door. It took the lady forty-five (45) minutes to cut my hair. She was very meticulous, if she saw a hair out of place she would go through and make sure everything was perfect. She was the nicest lady but it just took way to long. It was the LONGEST HAIRCUT EVER. On a good note, they are a full fledge salon and also do facials. I made an appointment for next Sunday. If I like them I will be switching from my facial lady to this new lady. She is much closer and a lot less expensive.

Saturday night I headed out to Gayville with Chico and I had a good time. I had not been to the clubs in a few weeks. The last few times I have been at the bars/clubs they have been a bit empty. After Jr's and Station 4 we headed to The Brick. The Brick is a Black Gay club in Dallas. It was crowded and full of hot men. Next time we are going to have to go there first and then head out to the mainstream gay bars. The Brick reminds me of Pendulum but with a....a...ghetto crowd. Which isn't bad, there is nothing better that hot ghetto men.

Sunday was pretty uneventful, I did some homework, visited with family, and went grocery shopping. It doesn't sound like much, but I slept until 12:30...it was great.

That is all for now, have a great week.

I can't sleep.

It is 1:15 a.m. and I can't get to sleep. I have been so tired all day and looking forward to going to bed but now no matter what I do I can't fall asleep. I tried laying there praying but that didn't work...I pretty much tried everything...so now I am blogging. I wish someone was up to keep me company, I called Wade but he is asleep....I am going to have to get everyone's sleep schedule in case I have another of these nights. I may just start doing homework.

How did you sleep last night?

Does anyone blog these days?

After several weeks of not posting a blog or reading other peoples blogs I have decided to continue blogging. This morning I went to everyone's blog that I use to read and I have discovered that some blogs are no longer active or that nobody is posting anymore. What gives? Was blogging truly only a phase? Is everyone taking a break?

I will continue to blog as much as possible. I have decided to cut down on the "personal" information that I post on my blog just in case people do read it but I will continue to blog. One of these days I will do a picture blog. I am excited about the possibilities.

Are you still blogging? If not, why did you stop?

Are people truly capable of changing?

I ask myself this question because my sister’s husband, whom I never liked, is all of a sudden a decent human being. My sister has been married for almost 13 years and I have never liked the guy. He has always been inattentive and condescending. I normally only see him once a year during the holidays and over the years he has been changing. This year when they showed up at my house for Christmas he seems like a completely different person.
My sister had surgery two weeks ago and is not able to walk. Right now she is constrained to a wheel chair and to a recliner. Throughout this whole ordeal he has been very attentive towards her, making sure she eats the right kinds of food, gives her a bath every day, and takes care of her wound. Not only that, he feeds and makes sure the kids are doing what they are suppose to do and cleans house.
How does someone go from being a total and complete jerk a few years ago to this?

Are people truly capable of change or is this change temporary?

Fire!!!!

I was driving to work this morning and I saw smoke coming from the general direction where I work and at that very instant I wished it was my office building that was burning so that I didn't have to go in to work today.
It was then that I realized I need a new job or a new position.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together.

Is the old adage true? Do individuals of like character tend to stay together?
A friend of mine had a small gathering over the weekend and I was invited. When I got there and started mingling with the other guest I quickly found out everyone there had issues. One of the guest is on medication to help him with his abandonment issues, another is on medication for depression, another has self esteem issues, and another one brought her gay boyfriend and she really didn't have a clue he was gay. Through out the night I kept meeting people with similar issues, luckily it wasn't a big party.
So I started thinking, if all of the host's friends have issues and the saying is true, am I as bad as these people? And if I am, are my friends a good representation of who I am?

Update on Life

It has been a long time since I have made an update to my blog, so here is an all inclusive update on life as I know it.

School is over and done with for the semester. I don’t have to start back up with school until January. I am going to use the next month to relax and do absolutely nothing. I plan on reading a lot and catching up on all of the books that I have on my “To Read” list.

Tomorrow I start my meditation class. I am going to a Zen Monastery and I am going to learn to relax and clear my mind, something that I am not able to do on my own. I am really excited about it.

There really isn’t much to report on the love life. Or nothing I want to publish for all to read anyway.

The project I was working on for work is complete, well the first phase is anyway, and everyone has been coming by and telling me what a great job we did. Which makes me feel great, especially after all I had to go do make sure things went the way they were suppose to. According to everyone, it was the smoothest project in our work history, which says a lot about the people we had on the project. My stress is finally over, I can go back to sleeping and working normal hours. I have even been leaving early this week.

The second and third phase of the project have begun. The second phase is not going to be as hard or require me to be so dedicated and the third phase mostly involves the broker and the software company. Life is great.

Is the word Awesome making a come back? I have heard more people use the word Awesome these last few days than I have all year. Am I just so out of the loop on this or is such an early 90’s word? Next thing you know we are going to be walking around saying SWEET.

First MBA Semester

As of today I am officially finished with my first semester of my MBA work. I have completed my last paper and I will be turning it in shortly.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, it was definitely a lot of work but nothing that I can't handle. There isn't anything I can take in the mini-mester so I am done for a while.

I am going to catch up on my reading, world events, and social life.

Blond Moment Two

I have been having way to many blond moments lately. I think it is partly due to the fact that I am overworked and sleep deprived.
On Saturday morning I was having a pancake breakfast with Dameyun and I was trying to pour syrup on my pancakes and instead I poured coffee on my pancake's. Luckily it only got on the top one and I was able to eat the other two. I was so embarrassed, here I am with a guy I somewhat like and I am being a total dumb ass. He thought it was funny and we just laughed it off. By Wednesday I should be all caught up on my sleep and I won't have to work so much, I see the light.

I feel like a blond

I went to Blockbuster to return a movie and I figured that I would run by the library and return a book on the same run since both are relatively close to each other. I got to blockbuster and I had so many other things on my mind that I dropped the book off in the Blockbuster drop box and when I got to the library I noticed I still had the movie with me. I had to go back to Blockbuster and ask for the movie back, it was rather embarrassing especially since it was the cute guy that works there that was at the return counter.
There goes my chances of going out on a date with him.

Black Like Me

I made an amazing discovery today. I discovered the public library. I went to the public library for the first time in almost nine years. I was amazed to see that they still had me in their system and did not have to re-apply to get a new library card. I went to the library to do some research for my Human behavior paper, which I am happy to say is about 95% complete.
I should be working on my stats paper but decided to make an entry instead.

While at the library I wandered through my favorite sections at the book store and found some really good books on religion and cultural issues. I decided to get two books, 1. The Hispanic Condition by Ilan Stavans and 2. Black Like me by John Howard Griffin. I imediately started to read Black Like Me and put my research aside.

For those who have not read Black Like Me here is a synopsis. The author, John Howard, changes the pigment of his skin to try to get a feeling of how it truly felt to be black. Keep in mind that this book was written back in 1959 and the racial conditions of the time were a lot different. Every time I saw the words Negro and nigger I was surprised and I had to remember what I was reading. Back to my summary, at first I was concerned that the author was going to be biased and that simply changing his skin color was going to give him a an accurate view of what was going on in the south but I believe that as time passed and he lived the life of a black man he got to experience the same things blacks did back then. Another thing that concerned me was that there are certain cultural norms and standards that are ingrained in all of us and not having grown up black he would have missed some of those things. But so far I think he is doing a great job. I am only on page 89 and I still have a ways to go before I finish but it looks like a great book.

Pick it up and let me know what you think.

Stress

I don't think I am handling stress as well as I use to in my younger days. Before I was able to work better under stress but these days with everything that I have going on it seems like I am more frazzled that normal. I can't wait for classes to be over in two weeks so that I can actually take a moment to relax and rest. My classes and the big project I am working on at work both end on the same day, on the 15th of November I am going to want to celebrate. You guys better be ready for me.

Thanks for the Memories

What do you say when something that could have been, something that was, or something that you wanted to be is over. I guess there really isn't much to say except "Thanks for the memories."

People...people..who need people...

I stayed home today because I was not feeling well. I woke up late, did some homework, took a nap, I did all of the things you should do when you are home but really should be at work. :)

I am not normally at home during the day and I am sure that neither are any of you that read this, but do you guys realize how many people come around and ring your doorbell while you are gone?
Just today I had Nanette(?) come by and try to sell me magazines.
Jim came by and tried to sell me service for cable.
And I had religious people come by and invite me their church.

So I started to think, what if they really weren't with these organizations and were just the decoy to come to your house, find out if someone was home, and if nobody is home they call their back up and the take everything you own. What if?

Can you tell I am bored? Staying home is not as fun as I thought it was going to be but I did get a lot done.

People, People who need people. Are the most wonderful people.....(sing along with me).

Damn Religious People!!!

O.K. I confess...I don't hate republicans. What I do hate are those over the top religious fanatics who go around imposing their believes on other people!!!

Comments from October 13 Posting

That jerk probably believes that everyone who is not catholic is going to hell!! What ever happened to not judging your fellow brothers and sisters? I really hope god takes compassion on his/her soul for all of the hatred he/she is spreading around.

Damn Republicans!!!!

That is the first thing I thought when I got home from work today and my Kerry/Edwards lawn sign was in pieces on my front porch. I was so mad!!! After my first sign was stolen and with all of the reports of signs being removed from yards by republicans, that was the fist conclusion I jumped to.

Later, I went back outside and I noticed that my yard had been mowed and I realized that my neighbor was probably out moving his yard with his riding mower and just decided to do mine while he was at it. I have been so swamped with work and school work that I was relieved that I did not have to do it myself.

I probably shouldn't have prematurely accused the republicans. I love my republican and democrat brothers and sisters alike.

My birthday will never be the same again!!!

There is a new position that became available in our department and they have asked if one of my employees is interested in applying. It is not just one of....it is the best employee ever. I talked to her about it and she has decided to leave my department because it is a promotion. I am very sad, I want to cry. Why would they deliver this horrible news on my b-day? I don’t even feel like celebrating anymore.

Horrible news!!!

Fear

We all know what are the things we need to change in our lives to make them happier but at times we are unable to make those changes.
Our heart tells us what it is we need to do, but yet we ignore it.

What is it about fear that leaves you paralyzed? What is it about the unknown that keeps you from making changes?

I have reached a new low!!

Yesterday I was at Sam’s with Sarah and Will and we got hotdogs to keep us from starving before dinner and as I was eating my hot dog all I could think about was how many calories were in it and how long it would take me to burn it off if I went for a jog. I was planning on going for a jog at the park once I got home but luckily it started to rain so I no longer had that option. When I got home I was going to get on the treadmill but after thinking about it I decided I was going to fight the fear of gaining weight. I enjoyed the hot dog and it was GOOOOOD.

Did you guys ever see the commercials that were meant for teenage girls? They would talk about issues such as beauty, weight, etc and at the end it would say “Girlfriend, you are beautiful!” and that is how I felt after that having that internal dialogue. Cesar, you are beautiful (no comments from anyone) even if you were to have 10, 20, or 30 pounds extra.

Paulo Coelho

I have a new favorite author, he has written such works as The Alchemist, Eleven Minutes, and By the River Piedra I sat and Wept.

If you have not read any of his works I strongly recommend that you do.

Gift Suggestions

Most of you know I am horrible at selecting gifts for other people and will usually take the easy way out and buy gift certificates.
I need your help, Wade's Birthday is on October the 1st and I want to get him something good for his birthday. I thought about flying up there and surprising him but after looking over my budget last night I have decided that won't be possible.
Does anyone have any gift suggestion ideas?

No Se

Lo dice el o lo digo yo.

"Me Paso dias y dias delante de esos libros y cuadernos haciendo un esfuerzo sobrehumano para comprar mi propia esclavitud.

- Fatima from Paulo Coelho's A Orillas del Rio Piedra Me Sente Y Llore.

A Orillas Del rio Piedra Me Sente y Llore

Spontaneous

Who said I wasn't spontaneous?
I just purchased a ticket to go to San Francisco for the weekend. Spur of the moment, no prior planning. Who says people can't change.

It is either one of the craziest things I have ever done or the dumbest things I have ever done. But I was jogging and I a thought passed through my head and the next thing I know I am at home making flight reservations.

I am excited, I get to see Wade and spend some more time with him. We decided we were just going to hang out and spend time together, no heavy partying or wild and crazy nights. They are having a street fair so we will do that and we are also taking the ferry to Sausalito. I also have to go back and eat at In-N-Out and buy some chocolate.

Sometime between now and Friday I need to go get a digital camera to take with me.

Drugs = Good

It is amazing how good drugs can make you feel. I had some medical test done today and they had to put me to sleep and I feel amazing today. I got home around noon and I went directly to bed I woke up for a few minutes but went back to bed shortly after.
I feel more rested and relaxed than I have felt in a very long time. If it was up to me it would be a requirement to be sedated at least once every month.

The weekend

I had a pretty good weekend.

On Friday I went to the movies with Ivan, Chico, and Chico's friend Carrie. We went to see the movie Hero with Jet Li. The movie was really good, not as much martial arts as I would have liked but the colors and the symbolism were really good. After the movies Ivan and I went over to Starbucks and grabbed a cup of coffee and just talked. Well, I just talked. Ivan had to sit there and listen to me talk about Wade. After that conversation I promised that I will not talk about him as much, I annoyed myself.
Saturday was a pretty laid back day, I did a lot of house stuff and hanged out with family and friends. Nothing to terribly exciting.

Sunday we went to the Gay Pride Parade in Dallas, TX. It was my first time going and it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. There were way to many floats but they were all very plain. Next year I want to be on a float, so I need to get involved with an organization.

That is about it for now.

Oh, I got a call from Wade about 11:30 last night and...oh, I promised I wouldn't talk about Wade so much.

Silly Me Part 2

I admit....I have a problem....and admitting that you have a problem is half the battle. I sent him a text message earlier in an attempt to clarify what had been said and repair any damages. I believe my message went something like “Good Morning. I hope I didn’t scare you to much last night.”
His Reply:
“A better question would be what’s your intention? Given What you told me last night. What are you thinking?”

I figured we were better off having this conversation over the phone than through text messaging so I went home for lunch and we had another of our long conversations. It turns out my comments from last night lead him to believe I was not interested in him. I won’t get into to much details but we talked it out and we have come to the conclusion that we are both very interested in getting to know the other and we will continue talking and see where it takes us. He is still planning to come to DFW in the near future and we will have the opportunity to spend some time together and we will figure things out as we go along.

I am afraid of commitment, but he has made me feel the warm and fuzies that I have not felt in a long time and I think that deserves a shot. My heart may get broken or I may end up falling in love. It is a chance I am willing to take.

Silly Me

I don't know what it is about me, call it a defense mechanism, but every time I meet a guy that I like I always, unintentionally, push them away.
I was on the phone with Wade last night for almost two hours and we were just talking about our past etc. I don't know if I was to honest about the whole afraid of commitment thing....but I think I might have scared him.....why would anyone make an effort to start a relationship with someone who is afraid of commitment?
I am going to talk to him about it again tonight and try to explain myself. Hopefully I didn't scare him to much.

Digital Camera

I need a good, small, inexpensive digital camera. Does anyone have a good recommendation?

Wade

I was sitting in my 3 p.m. meeting when all of a sudden my pocket starts vibrating and it tells me I have a new message. I leave my meeting because I was hoping it was Wade :) and I retrieve my voice mails and it tells me I don't have any so I start playing with my phone and it is a text message (I never eve knew I had text messaging). The message was sent to me at 1:45 p.m. and it says

Yea. Crazy.

On Sunday night we were at a club and he asked me if I always say "Yea" and "Crazy" when there is nothing else going on. For the rest of the night he would look at me and just say those to words together. It was rather cute.

I told myself I wasn't going to call him, but after that how could I not? I am going to call him on the way home and see how he is doing. ;)

SF

I had a great time in SF these past few days. There was some unexpected drama but I had fun inspite of that.

I don't know where to start, I suppose the beginning is always a good place for that. I won't go into details but I will provide a summary of my trip.

Friday was a pretty uneventful day. We got there and we explore the city, we hit some of the big touristy stuff like the cable cars, and Lombard St. David, Kathy's brother, has pretty much taken control of the trip and I don't mind because we all wanted to do the same things and he had time to look at the maps, read the travel books, and do research on the city. After a few of the attractions it is very clear he does not know where he is going or what we are doing so I tried to take over and he gets upset. So I back down b/c he is Kathy's brother. And I like Kathy.

Maybe I should start by explaining who Kathy and David are. Kathy is my friend of six years and I love her to death. We have such a great time together every time we hang out. David is her gay brother who lives in Paris and who comes to visit once a year. I have only seen David once a year for the past few years and we have always gotten along just fine. Perhaps it is because there were always a lot more people around and it was always for a few hours. Who knows but it was always fine.

O.K. back to my story. The hotel we were staying at had cocktail hour from 4 p.m to 6 p.m. every day. I loved cocktail hour because we got to meet some great people that were staying in our hotel. The movie directory Marvin Catz and his wife were staying there and they were both nice people. The guy because a bit of a jerk after two hours of drinking but he was still fine.

I also met 4 gay guys (two couples) from Vancouver who were really cool. One of the couples has been together for 14.5 years, they were 18 when they met. I thought that was very encouraging. The other couple has been together for 5 years. All four of them were very cool people and Kathy and I got to know them more during the next couple of days. I exchanged information with them on Sunday, maybe we will keep in touch.

K, so after cocktail hour we headed off to a little Italian restaurant that had the best food in the world. The restaurant was very small and the line was out the door, we got there just in time so we only had to wait for 10 minutes, but by the time we left the wait was an hour and a half. The wait was worth it though. After we had dinner we decided to head over to the Castro, the gay district, and explore the bars. We were on the bus at 10:30 and they both asked me if I would mind going home. Of course I minded, we had been out all day and we had not done anything I wanted. So I told them and we went to the bars. We were at the bars and they were just boring people. After a few drinks I agreed to go because I was also very tired. It was close to 12 a.m. and it was 2 a.m. TX time. So we went home and went to bed.

The next morning I decided I did not want to hang out with them so I was going to go and explore the city on my own. If I heard the David talk about Paris and/or compare San Francisco to Paris one more time I was going to hit him. Or if he said "Reeealy" one more time..I swear....or if he complained about his food being to salty or if he said "uhmm, it's alright in (place of foreign city here)there is a little restaurant that makes the best (place whatever you are eating here)" one more time.....I just don't like the guy. He is so uptight, childish, and self-absorbed that I did not think I could spend another day with him.

Saturday was a great day. I went to the golden gate bridge and I met this nice Italian straight couple. I then went to Ghiradelli square and bought some chocolate, I went to the market, to Ffisherman's Wharf, and then I went to coit tower.
I was trying to walk to Coit tower and I got lost. I was heading into a dead-end street so I asked this black lady in her 40's for directions and that just started an immediate friendship. She was the funniest person ever. She was heading to the Safe Way to buy toiler paper for her neighbor who was in her 70's and could not leave the house. She said she would walk with me to the bus stop because it was way to hot to take the bus up there. And she was right, it was hot. After a 10-15 minute walk I headed to coit tower and had an amazing view of the city. After that I went to the Square in front of St Paul and St Peter church because they were having local artist displaying their art. At the square I met six Spaniards and I was chatting with them for a while. They had been in the US for almost a month and had been in Colorado, Vegas, Los Angeles, and were headed to NYC on Sunday. They wanted to go to SF's equivalent of Harlem and Spanish Harlem so I went to explore the city with them. We ended up getting lost and ended up off the maps we had. It was kind of scary, so we decided to turn back around and head to a more familiar place. We ended up in the black side of town and we did some exploring. They did not speak English very well so I had to translate for them. I like them they were a lot of fun.

After that I headed back to Cocktail hour at the hotel and I sat with the gay guys from Vancouver and just chatted. Kathy joined us later and her brother ended up going to sit with some old couple on the other side. Kathy and I had a great time and we drank way to much. After our drinks David tried to get the bartender, who was a really cool guy, to go with us to dinner because David want to talk to him about the politics in Burma. The guy kept saying no but David kept insisting, it was a little embarrassing. So off we went to a Thai restaurant that David choose. Kathy wasn't feeling good so we spent about 15 minutes in the restroom while she threw up and I held her hair back. When we returned we eat a bit and David is upset because we left him and because Kathy had to much to drink. I only wanted a soup because I wasn't hungry so I had my soup and I tried their food. The soup was pretty good but the food wasn't and Kathy made a comment about it and I agreed. Since David choose the restaurant it upset him and he told me "I am trying to have a good time with my sister but she choose to invite you ..." that was it. I went off on him. I had gone out of my way to make sure they had enough time alone and here he was telling me this crap? We got into an argument and Kathy joined in. It was pretty messy. I ended up leaving the restaurant and heading back to the hotel. I was so upset that I was crying as I got ready to go out to the clubs. I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't' believe it. Before I finished getting ready Kathy and David got back. David went off and Kathy stayed behind and apologized for David and told me that was the reason why her husband didn't want to go along.

So I went out to the clubs and I met some really interesting people. I met a guy name Wade and he took me to an after hours party and then we went back to his place. Wade is a great looking guy, he is Chinese, 5'9, 31, and he has a really tight body.

I went back to the hotel at 7:30 a.m. and had breakfast with Kathy and David and then went to bed for about an hour. I hit the town after I woke up but I was not feeling my best since I was very tired. I did not strike up any conversations with strangers that day. That evening we went to go see Beach Blanket Babylon and it was so funny. I had a great time. They went out to dinner afterwards but I did not join then b/c I was tired. I went back to the hotel and I had every intention of going to bed but after packing I decided to call Wade up and join him at a club that was half a block away from the hotel. To make a long story short...I did not return to the hotel until the next morning at 8:30'ish. Great times were had by all.

Monday I did some shopping before heading to the airport and when we go to the airport there was a flight that was going to be leaving in a few minutes so I decided to find out if I could take that flight instead of the one at 2:30 p.m.. It just so happened they had a few seats available and I was able to leave two hours earlier. Will picked me up at the airport so he got to hear the whole story in person complete with hand gestures, facial expressions, and all of the things that come with my story telling. We got home and Sarah came over and she got to hear it also.

I included a lot more details about Wade in my story to them so let me just say a few more things about him. I think he deserves at least a paragraph for making this trip special for me......
Wade is absolutely amazing. He is a great guy and I felt completely comfortable around him, it is as if we had known each other for a long time. I felt like I had a b/f in SF and it reminded me that having a b/f wasn't all that bad. We were walking down the street and he gave me a kiss on the cheeck and held my hand. We had some good pillow talk, he introduced me to his friends, and even checked up on me to make sure I had gotten back to the hotel o.k. He was perfect and I wonder what could have happened if we both lived in the same city. But being the realist that I am, I realize we will probably never see each other again or talk to each other again....so I will think of it fondly for what it was. Kathy asked me what the best part of the trip was and it was definitely seeing the view of SF from his apartment balcony while we held each other. Corny...I know...but true.

I am back from SF and I have stories

I will have to post about my trip later because right now all I want to do is go to sleep. I am very sleep deprived right now.

Proposition - NO MORE Bush and other ramblings

I was reading a news summary in the Dallas Voice titled Australian gays upset by new marriage law claim island, declare independence. A group of gay people in Australia who were upset on a ban over same-sex-marriage have taken over an uninhabited island in Australia. Their official flag is the rainbow flag (of course) and they will soon start printing pink money.

After watching the Republican Convention I want to do the same thing. Especially after President Bush's comment about how judges should not impose their personal beliefs on the country. What the fuck is this asshole doing? He is doing the exact same thing, he wants to impose his religions convictions on the rest of the world. I don't agree with him on abortion, I don't agree with him on the war, and I definitely don't agree with him on gay rights.

I have a proposition, I propose that we stop paying our taxes until we (gay and lesbian community) are treated and given the rights we deserve. Or we go find our own little island and declare independence.

I think it is going to take something drastic for this president to take notice and recognize we are an important part of this country. I feel like my hands are tied, I wish I could do something to speed this process along. Who knows, maybe with time we will have change. I don't want to wait that long. I will continue to be as active as I can and hope that others do the same thing.

If you are reading this, I hope you go out to the polls in November and vote for a change. Vote for Kerry.

Lucía Méndez, gira para gays y nuevo perfume unisex

Lucía Méndez, gira para gays y nuevo perfume unisex
MSN - News
http://latino.msn.com/entretenimiento/articles/830780.armx

La actriz y cantante mexicana es la de las que piensan que hay que buscar al público sea donde sea.

Ha causado sorpresa la gira que hará la veterana artista (de 49 años) solo por locales "gays" de Estados Unidos y México, que comenzará mañana martes en el "Score Night Club" de Miami Beach.

A los asistentes se les regalará gratis una muestra de su perfume "Lucía Méndez Exótica", que -con una fórmula que incluye feromonas- se anuncia en el local como "La esencia que enamora unisex".

En unas declaraciones a la prensa mexicana, Lucía Méndez dijo que tras un tratamiento de feromonas, "mi sensualidad se ha incrementado y noto que Arturo (su pareja) se siente mas atraído hacia mi".

La talentosa artista mexicana, que vive en Miami, se casó recientemente, en segundas nupcias, con el empresario cubano americano Arturo Jordan.

También reveló un secreto: le gusta que le besen los pies. "Me encanta, me pone muy cachondona".

La gira por Miami, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Oakland (California), Houston (Texas), Monterrey y Puerto Vallarta, (México), ha sido anunciada para el público gay, al que califica como "sus máximos admiradores".

La diva mexicana aprovechará también para promocionar su nuevo disco "Vive", que incluye dos duetos con Mario Quintero de "Los Tucanes de Tijuana" y canciones, entre otros, de Juan Gabriel, Kike Santander y Frankie Marcos.
*************************************************************
Lucia Mendez - Diva?
Los gays son "sus maximos admiradores"?

No se, pienso que lo esta haciendo por que el resto de la comunidad latina se ha olvidado quien es. Pero quien sabe, esa es solo mi opinion.

Book: Dear Friends

Friends
Originally uploaded by kai7710.

I stopped by the bookstore today and I found a book that I found very interesting. It is called Dear Friends: American Photographs of Men Together, 1840-1918 by David Deitcher.

As the book suggest, there are a lot of pictures of men together. Although the people in the pictures have passed away and their identity is not known, some of the pictures have a homosexual undertone and some of them are clearly gay. There are pictures of men holding hands, caressing each other, or just posing with their leg on top of each other. There is even a picture of a man with a beard in a dress next to a man in a suit, clearly very gay. Although I don't think all of the men in the pictures are gay, it is very obvious that some of them are.

I guess what surprised me about the book is the bravery, if you can call it that, of the men who posed for these pictures. If people are not completely accepting of homosexuality in this day in age, I can only imagine what it must have been like in 1840. I am adding this book to my list of books to read; if you are in the bookstore make sure you pick it up and take a look at it.

I loved my weekend.

I had one of the best weekends I have had in a very long time. It is going to sound corny but I am going to say it anyway...I saw most of the people I care about this weekend. My friends...my family...life is good.

My friend Kerry came in from Minnesota to visit and we hanged out all weekend. Having her in the house made me wish I had a roommate but I wonder if I enjoyed it so much because it was Kerry and because I knew it was temporary? Regardless, we had a great time (or at least I hope she did too).

She flew in on Thursday and we got home from the airport around 10:30 p.m., we wanted to go to Don Pablo’s for their $2 margaritas but they were close so we decided to just go home have a drink and watch a movie. I made Sip-&-Strip and we watched Chocolat. If you have not watched this movie, I definitely recommend it, it was very good and it might have even been funny. Kerry and I kept laughing; it could have been that we were drunk or that the movie was funny. I don’t really know.
Friday wasn't as fun, I went to work and she ran errands. At night we went to my sister’s house for her b-day party. The food was GREAT.

Saturday we went shopping all day and I spent way too much money but I did get some really good deals. That night we were picked up Chico to go to the bars in gayville. When we got to Chico's house he had already been drinking, what a lush, a bottle of wine. He did leave some for us 
We met up with Ash and Seyd at the bars and later by one of their friends. We went to our usual bars…drank a little and danced a little.

Kerry left me today. It was sad to see her go but she called me a while ago and told me her husband was waiting for her at her apartment when she got there. I thought that was the sweetest thing because he had to drive three hours to see her. I knew that Darin was a good guy.

After I dropped Kerry off at the airport I went to my friend Sarah and Will's house, we ordered food and had a good chat. I am so glad they live so close to me, it helps them having them so close to me.

I have to go back to work tomorrow…..I am not looking forward to that. I think I am catching a cold, I hope I get over it before my trip next weekend.

Kerry/Edwards Lawn Sign

I put up a new John Kerry and John Edwards lawn sign up last night.
For those of you who have not heard my story here it is, I will give you the condensed version.

My last lawn sign was stolen from my yard and my bumper sticker was removed from my car. I don't know who would be brave enough to go to someone else's property and remove something that they have put up.

On to other news:

Last night I was invited to a lawn sign making party. A lady in Fort Worth purchased 1,000 signs with her own money, that is about $10,000 to $15,000 once you take into account the stakes, nails, etc.
Yesterday a bunch of people went to her house and helped her put the signs together. It was a little assembly line. Some people stapled, others nailed, stacked, and bundled. It was great. We were able to put most of the 1,000 signs together before the sun went down. She is selling them for $2 if anyone is interested. Once she is able to get rid of all of these she is going to purchase 1,000 more and distribute those as well.
I am really excited, I hope to see all of those 1,000 signs out in Fort Worth over the next few weeks. Next time I see a lawn sign in a yard I will wonder if it was one of the ones I helped put together.

Isn't activism great? Last night I felt as if I was actually making a difference.

School

So I start school on Monday and I at first I was looking forward to it but today I remembered how much time and effort you have to put into it so I am not so excited anymore.
The good thing is that the school I am going to has trimesters so I will be done with classes faster.

Wish me luck.

I snapped

I snapped at my boss today and it wasn't pretty. I feel bad for snapping at him, after all, he is my boss.
I just got tired of it. We were on one topic, and he was on another and trying to seem like he knew what he was talking about. He was making assumptions left and right and I rolled my eyes at him and snapped.
The good thing is that there was only one other person in the room so it didn't look to bad.

I will see how he treats me tomorrow. Hopefully he will overlook my snap because I did him the favor of driving him to his mechanics during lunch to pick up his car.

Reviews are coming up. :(

Schedule

Schedule
Originally uploaded by kai1007.

This is what my schedule looks like for the week. I am so good, that sometimes I am scheduled to be at two places at the same time.

New Building

We are in a our new building today and it is so nice.
I have never worked in a building were we have been the first occupants, it has a new building smell....concrete....plastic...you know, the new smell.

The views are amazing. On one side we have the Trinity River and on the other we have all of downtown Fort Worth. The lobby is marble and very modern looking. I have not really had a chance to explore the rest of the building because I have been unpacking but what I have seen has been really nice.

It took me 14 minutes to get to work, approximately 5.6 miles. It is a little closer than my old building but it takes me a bit longer because now I have to do all city driving and the traffic lights are horrible. I will be exploring new ways to get to work and back home this week. I hope to find a shortcut that will allow me to get home in under 10 minutes.

The Trinity Trails are right across from our building so I was thinking that instead of going home or to the gym and jogging that I could just change in the gym in the building and jog on the trails.

It is all very exciting.

Changing the Past

It’s amazing how easy it is to change the past.

I have been hanging out with an old friend who I have not seen in a long time and he started to talk about things we use to do when we were hanging out and he remembers things that never happened. In order for this story to make sense I have to confess a few of my sins before I continue. This friend and I were hanging out a lot and on ONE occasion we were both drunk and one thing led to another. That only happened on ONE occasion. But from our conversations over the last few weeks when he brings it up he remembers this happening a few times. How do you tell someone they are living in a fantasy world, that what they remember never happened?

Shocking Facts

I was doing some research for reports I am working on and I ended up in the US Census AIDS webpage. I was looking through some of the links and I was shocked to read some of these facts:

An estimated 37.8 million (between 34.6 million and 42.3 million) people were living with HIV worldwide in 2003

In 2003, an estimated 4.8 million (between 4.2 million and 6.3 million) people were newly infected with HIV

About 7 percent of the people in low and middle income countries who need anti-retroviral drugs actually received them in 2003.

Every day 2000 babies are infected with HIV during pregnancy, at birth or through breastfeeding. Without effective medical interventions, at last one third of the infants born to HIV-positive mothers contract the virus. Most of the infants that contract the virus will die before their fifth birthday.

Every day there are about 14,000 new HIV infections worldwide. Of these more than 95 percent occur in low and middle income countries and about 2000 are among children under 15.

It is a shame that in this day and age and with all of the advances we have made in the past years we still don't have a full grasp on the AIDS epidemic. The medication needed to live a healthy and normal life is so expensive that most people who don't have medical insurance are not able to afford it, and those people with medical insurance often have to do without other necessities in order to pay for all of their medication.

The good news, I heard on NPR the other day, is that a Swedish company is now manufacturing low-cost AIDS medication that will be distributed to the "third world" countries.

If you are not shocked, you should be. By now all of us know at least one person who is infected with HIV, and if you think you don't then you are just fooling yourself. You should be shocked that our governments have not spent enough money to edecuate the public. You should be shocked that medications are still out of the reach of most people. And you should be shocked that 14,000 people are infected each day.

Mending Friendships

I spent the weekend trying to mend old friendships and it was a bit more taxing than I thought.
For some of them I decided it was way to much effort for the friendship and for some others I decided to continue trying.

Horacio, for example, is one of those friends that I could do with out but we stay in touch because we have known each other for so long.

Then there is "Hawk", who I have known longer than Horacio and we may temporarily loose touch with each other but when we do see each other it is as if we had never lost touch.

There is also Miguel, who I see by accident once every year or so but every time we see each other we have so much fun.

I could go on but basically all of them fall in those three categories. Some are worth saving, others are just holding on by a frail string.

Poema incompleto

El viento sopla
fuerte, muy fuerte sin control.
Trato de sostenerme pero me siento devil
y no me puedo mas.
Pierdo el control y me caigo.
el viento me soplar
fuerte, muy fuerte para un lada y para otro.
El viento para temporarmente
y me caigo lentamente
como si estuviese sin vida.
Lento, muy lento
y me runo con las otras ojas en el suelo.

What Could Have Been

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if one or two things in your life had been different?

I was driving to meet friends for dinner this evening and as I was at a red light I looked over and saw a guy that had some resemblance to me. The guy was about my age and he was in his 4 door car with his wife in the passengers seat and two cute kids in the back seat. As I sat there I could see what my life would have been like had I been straight. It was strange, I sat there and imagined my whole 26 years of existence but with one major change, in my scenario I was straight and my life was totally different. As I kept on driving I thought of other aspects of my life that would have been different had I made other choices.

I thought of different scenarios and changed one small detail but the small detail changed the outcome of my imaginary life. As we go through our day to day activities and we make decisions most of the time we don't think of the impact these small decisions will have on our lives.

I have found my calling!!!!

As you guys may have noticed, I have not been as available during the day for the last few weeks. If you have sent me an email and I have not replied, or if you have left me a voice mail at work and I have deleted it.....I apologize.
I have been working on presentations and training for this week and it has kept me very busy.

My presentations started on Monday and the training started on Tuesday. I conducted two training sessions yesterday and I will conduct two more for the rest of the week. Each session is about 3 to 4 hours long.

I think I have found my calling, I have really enjoyed conducting training and doing presentations. Maybe I should go work for the company that we bought the software from, I am practically an expert on it now. Or maybe I can go work for MS and conduct their training.

Do you think I can find someone to pay me to do this for a living?

Yellow Wrist Bands

Does anyone know what the yellow wrist bands are for?
The last few days I have been seeing a bunch of people in my building wearing them and I have no clue what they are. They are just plain, yellow, rubber/plastic bands.

If anyone knows please let me know.

Horacio Update - Tales of Cheating and Drama, Lots of Drama

I got a call from my friend "Hank" today and he never calls me unless he wants to gossip. So we chat for about 20 minutes and I can tell he is building up to it and then.....BOOM there it is. He brings up the topic of my friend "Horacio" and wants to know if I have talked to him lately (see post from July 18 - Weekend Update). I haven't so I did not say anything. All of a sudden he is giving me all kinds of information about how Horacio's boyfriend is cheating on him. I didn't tell him I already knew and just let him continue talking. It turns out everyone knows except for Horacio and they want to get together next weekend and tell him. Horacio and his boyfriend are suppose to be signing a lease for a new apartment where the boyfriend, I will call him "Mike" for now, will be living. Everyone is all up in arms about it and want to tell him before he signs the lease and is committed to an apartment that he won't live in.

I called Horacio tonight to see how he was doing but him and his mother were at the hospital visiting his step-mother. I will call him again tomorrow to see how he is doing but I have already decided that I am not getting involved. I am way to old to be involved with all of this Drama. What is it about gay men and drama? Do you think we will ever leave this behind? I sure do hope so.

I know it sounds like I am being a bad friend, but Horatio already caught Mike cheating once when they lived in a different city and didn't do anything about it. I don't want to get involved because I know he won't do anything about it. Sure, he will huff and puff for a week, talk about how he sees everything clearly now, how he is empowered, how he won't be fooled again....but a week later they will be back together.

Just an update. I am sure I will be hearing more about this as the story unfolds. I hope they tell him soon so they all get it out of their systems.

Game Night

This past weekend my little brother was in town and I got to spend some time with him. On Thursday night we were up until 1 a.m. playing board games with my sister and we had a lot of fun. Through out the weekend when we were both home we would break out Jenga and play.

This weekend I decided to bring back Game Night. A while back I was having friends over to my house on a Friday or Saturday night and playing board games. We were all tired of going out so this was an inexpensive, safe alternative. We would play at my house, drink, eat, and on some occasions  get into discussions but it was always a lot of fun.

Sooo, I am planning on having a game night this coming month. It will be an alternative to going out and I know a few people are already tired of going out to the clubs every weekend.

There are a few drawbacks to doing this:
1. I have to clean and I am not looking forward to cleaning my house.
2. I can't invite everyone because my house is small and we won't all fit.
3. I have to clean.

Anyway, it should be fun and it will probably be the same people that I always invite. I know there are a few people that won't make it so I will invite them anyway just to be nice.

I can't wait. Maybe by then I will have a dog and it can be a Game Night/Meet My Dog Night.

 

Clutter

We will be moving offices in a few weeks so everyone is busy packing and cleaning their offices. I didn't think I had much up here but once I got started I found all kinds of things that I never even knew I had. Just for kicks, here are a few of the things I found....why I even brought them to work is another question:

1. Milagros (for those of you who don't know, these are little pendants sold at cathedrals in MX. You buy these and pin them on the wall and ask the saints to grant you a miracle)
2. Rolls of film (I wonder what's on them?)
3. Three bottles of contact lens solution.
4. Lots of packets of Honey (for my tea)
5. Kinder eggs (German toys)

Do you guys have anything interesting in your office? What is it and why did you think it was necessary to bring it to work?

Lessons Learned

I went to go see Bangi last night (see post from July 21, 2004) and it didn't go well.

 

Goals for the Weekend

I want to keep this weekend as simple as possible. I just want to enjoy it and relax. I have not done that in a while. So these are my goals for the weekend:

1. Get a Facial (gay I know)
2. Spend time with my brother
3. Visit with my friend Kathy
4. Shop with my friend Kathy
5. Mow lawn
6. Clean House
7. Maybe catch a movie
8. Maybe get a hair cut

 
That is it. All very simple, but all very stress free. I can't wait.

 

Dog

I know nobody believes me that I am going to get a dog anymore but I still keep looking. The reason I have not gotten one is because I have not found the right one.

But all of that has changed. I am in talks with the people who have the dog on the attached link to see if I can adopt her. I am so excited. Click on the link and tell me what you think.

Bangi!

 
Isn't she adorable?

Have You Ever?

Lost your debit card?

I went to the bank this morning to get cash and I was so distracted that I walked drove away without taking my card out of the ATM machine. I did not notice until 5 minutes later when I was driving to work, I turned around but my card was long gone. I immediately called the bank and it doesn't seem like any other transactions were processed.
Now I have to wait until August the 4th to get my new card. What am I going to do? I use my card for EVERYTHING, I never carry cash.

I am going to the bank during my lunch hour and I am going to try to get a temporary card issues.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, Off to Work I Go

The first phase of my big project is coming to an end so I have been working a lot of hours lately. I normally like to work under pressure because I get more of a kick out of it but this time I feel as if I was causing more problems than I am solving. I know that is not the case but that is how it feels.
 
There are two things that bother me:
1. I feel like we should have caught some of the issues we are dealing with early in the project.
2. There are way to many issues.
 
Right now I just want to go eat. I am hungry and tired.
 
Oh, another thing that bothers me is that my psycho boss is going to try to take credit for the project. If she even tries I will tell her something. I am tired of her crap.
 
Other than that life is great.

Weekend Adventures

It was an interesting weekend. I took the GMAT on Saturday morning and I did not do as well as I had hoped so I decided to go out that night and drown my sorrows.
My test was in Denton so I had to leave my house at 6:30 to get there on time. There was hardly anyone on the road at that time so it was very quiet and peaceful. I turned the radio off and it felt a little weird. I felt very "little" in the grand scheme of things. It was a very good opportunity to think and reflect on decisions I have made and things I want to accomplish. I decided to take more early morning drives to the middle of nowhere more often and just think.  On the way back I decided to call my friend Tomas, we decided to go shopping so I picked him up. We ended up just driving around and going to different places. It was a lot of fun, we have not been hanging out a lot lately. Mostly because he has been out town a lot lately visiting a guy he is kind of dating in Detroit but there has been some friction between us lately. I am not sure what it is but sometimes I feel he is more critical of me than I am of myself. Sometimes I feel judged, but I am sure it is all in my head. He is a great guy and we always have fun together. We ended up going to a few places and we had fun.
 
Later that night my friend Fernando met me at my house to go to Chico's house. We were going to be meeting Ivan, his roommate, Leo, Ashish, and Seyd out at the gay bars. Chico, Fernando, and I went to the Village first because they are going to be closing it for a few months before they re-open as "Our Place" or some other crapy name like that. I ran into my old friend Dwayne and we talked for a bit, as I was getting ready to leave he gives me some good scoop about my friend "Horacio"  and his boyfriend. Apparently his b/f is cheating on him, something we have suspected for a long time and the reason why they broke up the first time, and just with him for the money. It was crazy, now I am debating whether I should tell "Horacio" or keep out of it. Any suggestions? "Horacio" and I have been friends for like 6 years and I don't want to see him get used. But I feel like he already knows what is going on but is turning the blind eye. I don't want to bring it up and him not believe me. Anyway, we will see how this plays out.
 
I ran into Kolon (sp?) at TMC, he is a guy that I use to have in my Spanish classes but we never really talked to much. I always thought he hated me because he use to give me some bad looks so I never made the attempt to be friendly with him. Since we graduated I have seen him out and about a few times here and there but he told me on Saturday that he will be moving to Minnesota (I loose another friend to that damn state!!!). I will definitely miss running into him. The funny thing is that I didn't even know his name until Saturday but every time we run into each other we are very excited to see each other. Strange, I know. I am going to try to get his contact information so that I can keep in touch with him. He is an interesting guy.
 
I didn't drink that much that night but for some reason the alcohol really got to me. Maybe I am just getting older. I felt fine when I woke up on Sunday morning but after about an hour of being awake I started to feel really bad. I ended up staying the whole day asleep which is very unusual for me. I would break out into cold chills and sweats. It was horrible. I don't think it was the alcohol because I didn't drink that much but it was definitely something.
 
When I finally woke up (around 5) I got up and went to my friend Sarah and Willis house. They were grilling hamburgers and invited me over. Their baby has been sick for the last few days so the baby was crying a lot. Hopefully the doctor will be able to give them something tomorrow to help her get over whatever she has.
 
That is it for my weekend.

San Francisco

I have decided to go to San Francisco with my friend Kathy and her brother David. Every year David comes to Texas from Paris and they go on a big trip together. I really like David, he is a pretty cool guy and he is about my age. He is also gay and has a b/f of like 5 years. The boyfriend is not going to be coming to TX with him so it should prove to be an interesting time. We don't really have any set plans but we have already agreed we will be going to the gay bars at night. I am not sure if that is going ot happen b/c he normally doesn't go out so I may have to hit the bars on my own. Which won't be a big deal because I usually do that anyway during the trip I take by myself once a year.
I have already told them I would probably be separating myself from them during one or two of the days we are there so they can do the brother-sister bonding and I can do the stuff that I want to do. Knowing Kathy and David we are going to have plans for every single moment of the trip but we are really not going to do anything. I love Kathy to death but she is not the best planner. And even when she does plan her plans usually get changed by the wind. 

I can't wait, I am very excited about this trip.  There are a few things I have to do to prepare for my trip:
1. I need to find a cool messenger bag
2. I need to buy some cool dress down/t-shirt type of clothes. (I will need Ivan's help for this)
3. I need to loose at least 10 lbs. (David is very skinny and I don't want to be the fat friend). 
I think that is all I need to do.

Have you guys been to San Francisco? Do you have any suggestions on what I should definitely see while I am there?

El Señor Madera

Pienso que estoy enamorado. Lo se, lo se...¿Cesar enamorado? pero creo que al fin me llego el momento para enamorarme. La verdad es que no conosco a este muchacho pero las ultimas semanas lo e visto en el edificio donde trabajo. Siempre lo veo en los pasillos o caminando por el centro. No se nada de el pero si se su nombre. Ayer tuve que ir al centro de producsion y hoy a alguin llamarlo por su nombre. Por el momento lo llamare El Señor Madera.
Que puedo decir del Señor Madera......es alto, guapo, delgado, y tiene una sonrisa que hace a mis rodillas temblar.
 
El Señor Madera.....asta que por fin entro a mi vida.
 

A letter from my Senator - Kay Bailey Hutchison

This email is in regards to an email to Kay Bailey Hutchinson stating my opposition to the Gay Marriage Constitutional Amendment. If Kay Bailey Hutchinson is your senator you can contact her at the following addresses.

284 Russell Senate Office Building, Washington, D.C. 20510-4304, Phone: (202) 224-5922, Fax: (202) 224-0776

10440 N. Central Expressway, #1160, Dallas, TX 75231, Phone: (214) 361-3500, Fax: (214) 361-3502


**********************************
Thank you for contacting me regarding same-sex marriages. I welcome your thoughts and comments on this issue.

Marriage laws have historically been the responsibility of state governments, and I generally oppose federal government intrusion into matters of state authority. Periodically, however, one state's action can have serious and far-reaching implications for other states, particularly because our Constitution requires states to give full faith and credit to
the laws of other states.

In 1996, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) defined marriage as only between a man and a woman. I voted for this federal law, and I continue to support it today because I believe the traditional family unit should remain the foundation of our society. The recent decision by a narrow majority of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court mandating same-sex
marriage threatens to overturn DOMA nationwide and effectively make that single state's marriage policy the law of our entire country.

In response, Senator Wayne Allard (R-CO) has introduced S.J. Res. 30, the Federal Marriage Amendment, of which I am a co-sponsor. This bill would amend the Constitution to define marriage in the United States as consisting only of the union of a man and a woman. Currently, S.J. Res. 30 is under review by the Senate Committee on the Judiciary. When this
legislation comes before the full Senate for a vote, I intend to support its passage.

I appreciate hearing from you and hope you will not hesitate to keep in touch on any issue of concern to you.

Sincerely,
Kay Bailey Hutchison

Poor Souls

I don't understand why people insist in getting into relationships that just aren't good for them. Why they would rather be with someone who doesn't make them happy than be alone and happy. I know, I know, they are just afraid of being alone. But that doesn't compute with me because I am not like that or at least I don't think. I am sure there are a few people out there that will think differently.
Why would someone get into a relationship with someone who has all kinds of drama in their life?
I just needed to vent. Some weird stuff has been going on the last few days and I wanted to make a vague comment about it.

Oh, Saturday how wonderful are thee

So far Saturday has been very productive.

I woke up early because Will and I were going to go and get new tires (see post from July 09, 2004). I only had to buy one new tire because my spare tire was a full tire from when I bought my car. So it wasn't to bad. After that we went back to Will's house and he washed my car. It looks so good now, I have not had a chance to get it cleaned in several months but now it looks brand new, well, that is a little exaggeration.

I came to work today because I have a lot to do and next week I will be in the office but not at my desk. I have meetings starting at 8:30 and they don't end until 4:30. I don't think I will be getting a lot done, I am just glad I have great employees who require little to no direction.
There is hardly anyone here today, I think I ran into three people total, so I was able to get a lot done. It is so different up here when there it is quiet and the phone is not ringing off the hook. My boss was up here also so we went and grabbed a quick bite to eat and had a nice little chat.

Now I am just ready to get out of here. Sarah, Will, Eli, and I are going to Oceans, one of my favorite restaurants tonight, and I can't wait to eat.

I hope you guys are having a good weekend so far. Be save!!

Flat Tire

Yesterday evening I was on leaving my house to meet a friend for dinner and as I was pulling out of my driveway I noticed that my car was leaning a little to the left. I turned back and I noticed that my drivers side passenger tire was completely flat. For most people this would not be a big deal but for me it was the end of the world (temporarily) because I don't know how to change a tire. What was a helpless gay man to do? I called my friend Will and he came over and changed my tire for me. I can't say I learned how to change a tire because I just watched while he changed it for me. It didn't take him long, maybe next time I will even give it a try myself.

My question to you is: How many of you know how to change a tire? Have you ever had to change one of your own tires?

4th of July

I had a very productive weekend and I am worn out. I decided to paint the living room and I had to start on Friday night taking down the wallpaper border. It was HELL!! I think it took me like three to four hours to get that accomplished. I was planning on redoing the bathroom next but the whole thing is wallpaper so I am going to put that off for a while and instead move on to my bedroom.
I have chosen a red color for my bedroom, it is not blood red, it is more like a dark wine/brown red. I think it is going to look very nice. I am only going to paint one wall so it won’t be to much work. It took me all day to paint the living room and I was tired.
My friend Chico came over while I was painting and we decided to go out to Gayville that night. I don’t know what I was thinking because I was really tired. I was up until midnight the night before working on the border, and I woke up at eight on Saturday to start painting. Bye the time we were getting ready to go out I was exhausted. Surprisingly I had a good time. We met Seyd and Ash out at JR’s and then we headed over to Kaliente.

On the 4th Sarah and Will invited me to go over to Sarah’s mom’s house for a cookout. Sarah’s mom is the best cook ever. The food was delicious. She has a new puppy, a tea-cup Chihuahua, that is just adorable. He is very small and very active. I briefly considered getting one for me but it is way to small. You would never be able to walk it and if you tried taking it for a walk you would end up carrying it for the most part. On Monday Will called and they guy that was selling them had one dog left, I think it was black and his name was Cesar. Isn’t that a coincidence? I thought it was fate, it was meant to be but then I remembered how I don’t like Chihuahuas and forgot about it.
Had it been a tea-cup poodle I would have considered it.

I also went to a bbq at my friends Bill and Scott (see previous posting). It was fun but I didn’t eat anything since I had already eaten at the other bbq. It was nice to see everyone again and catch up. We went to see Spider Man that night and I was very disappointed. I am not the best person to go to a theater with because I get very antsy sitting down for long periods of time unless the movie is really good and this movie just wasn’t. The only thing that made it tolerable was seeing Tobey. I never noticed he didn’t have any lips, despite that he is still cute.

Couples

I am tired of couples looking at me like I am the last single person on this earth.
I went to a bbq on Sunday for the 4th of July and EVERYONE there is dating someone. All of our conversations seemed to revolve around me being single, if I hear "Oh don't worry, you will find someone" one more time I am going to shoot myself. No, better yet, I will shoot the person who tells me. Yes, that is a much better idea.
I am single because I choose to be single (for the most part), if I wanted to be in an unhealthy relationship I would be in one.