I went to the Farmers Market yesterday to buy vegetables and fruit for the week. Since the market is close to home I tend to run over there at least once a week to get produce rather than buying it at the grocery stores.
While walking down the vendor isles, I saw something that completely caught me off guard. I saw two guys walking and holding hands. I stared. They probably thought I was staring because I was homophobic but I was staring and silently applauding their courage.
So I started thinking...many of us in the LGBT community fight to get the same rights and respect that others have. We have protest, pride parades, letter writing campaigns, marches, etc, etc, etc. But after our organized events are over we go back to our own little communities and nobody hears from us again until something else happens.
Why do WE pretend to be invisible? I expect those who are not comfortable with us to pretend we invisible but I simply don't understand why we help them pretend we don't exist.
If we really want to be respected (not accepted, because we don't need anyone's acceptance to validate who we are) and obtain the same rights as everyone else we need to be out in our daily lives, holding hands, making them face their discomfort and see us the way we really are. Normal, just like they are.
So here are a couple of questions:
If you are gay -
Why do you pretend to be invisible?
If you don't pretend to be invisible, when did you start living your life?
If you are not gay -
What would have more impact on your life, a once a year protest or pride parade or seeing two guys or two women walking down the street holding hands?
If you are bi -
Answer either one.
17 years ago
9 comments:
Well Said! I absolutely totally agree with you. I strongly believe in being proud of what you do, and if you're not proud of it, don't be doing it.
It anoys me when anyone lives their life as a lie. People who smoke who act like they don't, people who are sex freaks but act like they are prudes. Can't stand them.
Being a straight woman, I can tell you that the only way a straight community is going to get used to people being gay, is gay people living thier lives in the open just as straigh people do. Now I'm not talking about making out or doing it on the water fountain in the mall, but taistful daily activities and affections are definately appropriate.
I seriously feel that the more gay people go out into the world and act their normal selves, straights will get over it. Too many straights just think of the sex of it all and get freaked out. They also more often see two tacky gay people totally getting it on somewhere and they apply that steriotype to all gays. Obviously the majority of the gay world is not this tacky, but that's only what peole see.
There is so much more to a gay person than who and how they have sex.
Everyone, gay or straight, should be living their life to the fullest. No matter what.
I could write for days on this, but I'll stop there.
Excellent topic, Kai!
I can tell you without a doubt that pride parades, etc. rarely penetrate public consciousness. Honestly, how often does the mainstream media even cover those events? Especially in a generally conservative area like ours.
When things become routine, they slowly become accepted. I think gay couples that have the strength to hold hands as they stroll through the park are doing far more for the equal rights movement than just about anyone else.
One word of caution: I don't think anyone--gay or straight--has free license to play tonsil hockey in broad daylight in a public place. This new prudishness probably comes with being a mother. I was cruising through Trinity Park the other day when we caught a glimpse of a couple (straight) practically having sex amongst the trees. Try explaning that to a two-year-old.
Well, I cannot be out at work because of the situation. It would make my work life more difficult if I did that. But I don't think the sexuality matters at work. You can call me chicken but I'd rather be invisible at work if the sexuality has to be part of what I do.
When I was with somebody for 8 years and lived here, we used to hold hands on a daily basis but we were freaks. :-)
In public, Alec and I steal a kiss here and there, when no one much is looking. The thing is, if I were straight, I would probably do the same thing. We just aren't much into PDA kinda folks.
I say, do what makes you comfortable.
More impact on my life? Definitely the two guys holding hands. We would never see that here in Moncton, however when Brad and I were in T.O...I remember when we left the Jays game one night I saw two guys holding hands, walking with their friends on their way home and I thought it was great...out in public. Toronto is a very open community however it wasn't something I had ever personally witnessed. So to answer your question, this would have more impact for me than a parade. For sure.
Funny you brought up this topic, because I just had a similar convo with my coworker who is gay, but prefers not to let people know. It's not that he wants to hide it, but he wants to choose who knows and who doesn't. Obviously we had a long discussion about this, and then I brought up how my good friend blogged about this very subject yesterday!
His point, was that not all gays have to make it a mission to make the whole world get used to it. And I thought he had a point. For some people, it's accomplishment enough to be comfortable and happy with theirselves, and their lives.
Funny though how people think two girls are sexy, but find it gross when it's two guys..
I was more open to it back in high school. I think people knew but it really didn't bother them. Crazy how my freshman year, i was known as 'playboy' since i had all these crushes with girls, then year later, I was getting linked to a bunch of guys in our class lol. Then I get offended if I got called gay. I knew I was, but hated being called out on it.
Hm, I kinda went invisible when I moved to the states. They told me I could get harrassed just for acting girly so worked on that quite a bit. Reason why I ended up being just quiet hehe It hasn't been that bad really, but I think I just wanna be able to be more open about it once I switch to a different job. With the mil, you HAVE to be invisible and be really careful about it. No more than five people knows about it, considering I've been in for four years.
I think if people know, great. If not I won't rub it in to their faces. But if I do get a bf though, hmmm.. I might be into PDA, depending on the mood. That, I have yet to find out.
'ave a good wednesday :D
KB - I don't think people are living a lie, I think that is going a bit to far...in my opinion. I just wish people were more willing to fight for what they want/believe.
SM - How did you explain that to E? I agree that people should not make out, bump and grind, or have sex on the streets. Holding hands is a different story. If your child asked you why the two men were holding hands, what would you say?
Shigeki - I don't think you are a chicken. I think it is different for everyone depending on their work and personal lives.
Robert - I agree. I just wish more people were comfortable being who they are.
Sue - I remember seeing guys hold hands in Toronto. Maybe one day it will also happen in Moncton.
KB - Do you think it is more conservative here than it is back home?
I am not much of the pda kind of guy but I may hold hands with my b/f (if I had one) just to prove a point.
I don't think there'd be much explanation to it, really. I've found with kids a simple explantion is best and most easily accepted. If she questioned why two men or two women are holding hands I'd just tell her they're in love and that's something people do when they care about each other.
That'd probably be enough of an explanation. I'm never going to sheild my kid from the fact there are homosexuals in the world. It's just not that big of a deal. Sometimes men and women fall in love, sometimes it's a man and a man, etc.
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