Me encuentro con mucho que decir pero las palabras no me salen.

Llamo y cuelgo en cuanto su machina responde. No quiero dejar menseja por que ya que deje mensaje no voy a poder hablar para atraz. Quiero hablar con el pero la verdad es que no se por donde empesar. A pasado tanto tiempo que quizas el ya no sea el mismo, quizas yo ya no se el mismo.

Tantas cosas pasan por mi cabeza que ya no se en que pensar, necesito distraerme un poco pero no tengo la energia para salir de casa.

Intentare hablarle otra vez manana. Ojala este cuento tenga un buen fin.

My Decision

I have decided not to take the job offer I received at 5:30 on Friday afternoon. For many this decision will be a bit shocking considering how much they were offering but I have decided the environment in which I work is more important than making a few extra dollars. Other things that helped me make my decision were
1. I am not a big fan of 10 or 11 hour days.
2. I would not be able to attend school with my work schedule
3. I really like my job

That is my decision.

Traumatic Experience!!

I was stuck in an elevator at work for 40 minutes today. The worse part about it is that I was in there with 12 people. We could not sit, we could not shift, we could not breathe. It was horrible. I think I have been emotionally scared for life. O.K. well, maybe just until the end of the day.
It wasn’t so bad until someone announced they were claustrophobic and started to exaggerate. I know there are a lot of claustrophobic people out there and there were actually 3 in the elevator with us but the two other ones were acting just fine. The one that was loosing control was my boss’s boss. I was on the phone with security people trying to explain to them what was going on and they were having a hard time hearing me so she started to scream. I swear she is psycho. I have never talked about her before on my blog because someone from work may read it one day but right now I don’t care.
When I talk about her with my friends I either refer to her as Crazy or My Psycho Boss. After she stopped screaming she got on the phone with her fiancé, who she met 2 months ago and is now engaged to and will marry in less than 2 weeks, and was all lovey-dovey. It was sick!!!!
Anyway, 40 minutes later we were all HOT, sweaty, and I was getting agitated. Everyone in the elevator was talking and it was getting loud and psycho was back to being her giggly-neurotic self. A few minutes later she said she was feeling sick and was going to throw up, I looked at her and told her “Open your purse because you are not going to throw up on me” she looked at me and got tears in her eyes. It pisses me off because she just likes the attention. She was fine when we were in the elevator and as soon as she got out and there was an audience, it was lunch time and everyone was in the lobby, she started to cry and howl. It was so embarrassing, how can someone so disturbed make it to the ranks of upper management?

We did have some funny conversation in the elevator. One of the ladies on the elevator was wearing her blouse inside out and that sparked some interesting topics about people doing summersaults in their underwear but I will leave that for another time.
We also went back to primitive grooming rituals, a lady that was standing behind me picked something out of my hair, kept touching my ass, and started to blow on my neck. It was all very strange but it was quite funny.

We were finally rescued by the Fire Department and the Otis elevator repair people, I spoke with the firemen and the Otis guys and apparently it was just an elevator malfunction. While we were in there I was speaking with the security guy and they were having a lot of problems, they were considering coming in through the side panels because the doors would not open.

I found I can keep my cool in most situations; it just depends on the people that are in these situations with me. If I know you like attention don’t expect me to be to concerned with your pitiful plights but if I know you are concerned I will do my best to try to consol you.

Enough of me ranting and raving. We did have a wonderful lunch experience, luckily she went back to her office because she was to upset (psycho) and the company and the food was exceptionally good. I don’t know if it was because it was almost 1 and I normally eat around 11:30 but it was good.

Moral of the story: Never, EVER, get stuck in an elevator with Psycho boss!!!!

Tired....

I was out ill yesterday and today I feel exhausted. By ill I mean Ill, wink, wink. I did a lot of running around and I spent a lot of time in Dallas. The full story to be published later once I feel more comfortable about what I did. It wasn't anything bad.

After I ran my errands I picked up my friend Chico for lunch and we went to Mo Mo's Pasta off of Knox. It was an interesting little place, the restaurant is Italian, the waiter was Mexican, and the music playing in the background was Middle Eastern. The food was great and I would definitely go back. After the restaurant we went to the little Italian gelatto place next door and both of my credit cards were declined. It was extremely embarrassing, not b/c they were declined but because the guy was very cute and he had a great accent. I only have two cards, my check card, and a regular credit card and they were both declined. I was very confused because I have money or credit in both of my accounts. I told the guy I was embarrassed and he teased me about it a little. Since I don't carry cash Chico had to pay for me. I love Chico! On the way out he guy behind the counter told they were having problems with their machine and that it wasn't my card. I felt so relieved that he knew I wasn't a dead-beat. If he hadn't told me that I was going to run to the bank and get him a copy of my financial statement...he was cute :)

That is it...nothing new going on since my last post.

Oh, I did start watching Colonial House! on PBS and I am hooked. The series started on Monday night and it continued on Tuesday, this show is better than any reality t.v. show on the other networks. The show has been full of drama and excitement. In the first episode the colonist receive news that the governors daughters fiance has been killed in a car accident and her whole family had to leave. Once they leave the colony starts to fall apart, there is no order and everyone does what they want. In the next episode the governor returns alone and he starts to take control of the colony, he starts handing out punishments like there is no tomorrow, at one point everyone in the colony was wearing a letter on their clothing to signify what wrong they had committed.
On Tuesday night Jonathon Allen, one of the servants, came out of the closet to the whole community during a Sabbath sermon. It was very funny to see the shocked look on the Governor and his family, his family is very conservative and religions from TX.

That is all I have for now. I have to get to work, I will be gone for the majority of the day at a seminar and I have over 200 emails to catch up on. I think I will be able to delete most of them but I still have to read them....damn work...

Free At Last!

I finally have my house all to myself again. Yesterday when I got home from work I noticed that my two spare keys were sitting on top of my counter and I immediately checked the rooms to see if my guest had left. It was so nice to sit down and read and not be disturbed or worry about having the television to loud. Life is great.
I spoke with my parents last night and I think they are developing a gambling habit. It is the third week in a row that they have gone to Vegas for the weekend. The first time they went they won some money but they have been loosing ever since. I never thought of my parents as the gambling type but they both seem to enjoy it and they are spending time together doing what they both like to do so I won't tell them anything about it.

Never Drink with Co-Workers

Song in my head:No me enseñaste by Thalia!


We had a happy hour yesterday at the Roof Top bar at Reata! and it was great. I love to sit outside when the weather permits it. Yesterday the weather was nice and breezy until the thunderstorms and the rain moved in. It was perfect, the sky got dark all of a sudden, the temperature dropped a few degrees, and the wind picked up. It was perfect, it would have been better if I had been there with someone special but that is another story, today I am writing about why you should never drink with co-workers.
I like my most of my co-workers but there are a few that I can’t stand either because of their rudeness, their negativity, or their lack of social skills. The bad thing about drinking with co-workers is that you really can’t drink as much as you want because you don’t want to loose all your inhibitions and make a fool of yourself. You especially don’t want to end up sitting next to the people you like but don’t really want to sit next to because they annoy you….and that is what happened to me and I wasn’t drinking a lot so it made it a even worse.

Moral of the story: Never drink with Co-workers and if you do make sure you sit with the fun people.

Fortune Cookie

This is from my fortune cookie at lunch.

Good Manners and Soft Words Have Brought Many Difficult Things to Pass.

Emotionally Drained

Song in my Head: Beautiful Day by U2!

I had an interesting evening last night, after my GMAT class my friend Tomas and I decided to grab a bite to eat. We ended up at this horrible Q'doba/Mexican restaurant wanna be. The food was horrible but the conversation was priceless. Tomas and I have not really been spending a lot of time together these last few months because we have both been really busy but we try to make time for each other at least once a week to grab a cup of coffee or a bite to eat. Besides the GMAT classes we really haven't seen each other outside the class setting in about 3 week's so it gave us the opportunity to catch up.
As I wrote in one of my previous post he is dating his ex again so that topic came up last night and this is how the conversation went "I love him...but he is not good for me...I like him...but he has no goals...He makes me feel good...but what if he goes back to how he use to be" I don't understand people who stay in a bad relationship simply because they have are more afraid to be alone than being miserable. Another thing I don't understand is why people always bad mouth their ex's. I met Tomas right after they broke up so I heard all of the bad stuff that went on in their relationship, to this day I have not heard a good thing that came out of it or a good thing that happened while they were dating. I really tried not to give my opinion but I am not very good at showing fake emotions, I kept telling him how happy I was that he was happy but he didn't believe me and eventually we had to talk about it. I won't go into all of the details but I really just want Tomas to be happy and I don't think he is going to find happiness with this guy. He is a big boy, he will figure it out on his own.

Who knew that talking about Chris would open up another can of worms!! The conversation moved to how different Tomas and I are. I have always known we are different but it has never bothered me but I didn't realize that it bothered Tomas. I kind of like the fact that we are different and the fact that we have totally different view points on just about everything. Apparently one of his big issues with me is that he feels dumb when he is around me and my friends and I don't understand why because he is very smart himself. He thinks I am really smart and I don't think I am smart at all. To me smart means being like my friend Sarah or Amy, now they are smart. It just seems to come naturally to them but I have to work very hard for the knowledge I have gained. I don't think I am smart, I just think I try harder than some people.

His other issue with me is that he thinks I am a snob. Smart I don't have a problem admitting to but snob, now snob is another story...I AM NOT A SNOB AT ALL. I am pretty friendly, for the most part, and I get along with just about everyone. The difference between us is the he will talk to anyone, and I mean anyone, and I am more selective about who I choose to be friends with or who I strike up a conversation with. I don't think that makes me snob I just think it makes me...Selective.

One of the biggest issues we have had during our friendship is planning. At the beginning when we use to make plans we would always end up canceling on each other because our concept of time is so different. When he says lets spend Saturday together he means we will get together around 3 or 4 p.m. and spend the rest of the day together. When I say lets spend Saturday together I mean from 10 a.m. on. Tomas has been very accommodating and thanks to Tomas we have worked through most of these planning issues.

I love Tomas, in a brotherly way, and I would not give him up for anything. It is going to be really hard for me to get use to his ex boyfriend because I really don't like him. His ex is already talking about getting together with me so I can give him a second chance and I really don't want to do it. If they decided to see each other exclusively I will make an effort but until then I don't want to waste my time.

My biggest issue with Tomas is that he doesn't respect my differences.

His fly by the seem of the pants attitude is very refreshing. I am a planner, I like to plan what I am going to do, I like to plan where I will be and I like to know it is going to happen. Tomas is more of a "lets get this done so we can move on to the next thing" kind of guy. He doesn't plan and just likes to enjoy life one day at a time.

We had to cut our conversation short because my sister called me and her husband who is remodeling their home accidentally ripped the electricity wire out of their wall so they didn't have electricity and they wanted to spend the night at my house.

That was my evening, by the time I went to bed I was very glad my day was over and I was looking forward to my Happy Hour on Thursday. Free drinks and food, who would pass that up?

What is this world coming to?

By now I am sure everyone has heard of the decapitation of the American civilian in Iraq. Watching the footage of his last moments and the footage of his family being interviewed was very emotional even though I didn't know the family. It is a shame that someone so young had to die in such a horrible way.
Yesterday during lunch we talked about the prisoner abuse in Iraq and I have come to the conclusion that I should not discuss the war in Iraq with people at work. My beliefs are usually different but I didn't realize how conservative the people I work with are.

What amazed me about the news coverage was the reports of the "outrage" by the American people. Did we not see something like this coming after all the pictures of how the prisoners were being mistreated and abused in the news these last few days? The American people have the right to be outraged, outraged by the fact we have a president that invaded a country, outraged by the fact of number of soldiers that die every day, and outraged by the fact that an innocent man had to die in such a grewsome way. For those who are truly outraged I hope they make their way to the polls this coming election and show exactly how outraged they are.
How can a country (USA) trample the sovereignty of another (Iraq) and expect the people of that country to bow down and take over. Sure, Sadam was not the best leader in the world. I am quite aware of the human right violations, but have we really improved their lives that much? I don't really think that is something anyone on US soil can answer since we only see and hear what the government wants us to see. Has anyone heard of how many Iraqi people have died since the beginning of the war? I haven't but I have heard of how many US soldier die every day and it makes me wonder why those numbers are not released? Is it because our government wants us to feel sympathetic towards an unjust war?
Life is truly a precious commodity and I don't believe anyone has the right to place a value or take it away.

Having said that, I believe our president has pegged the life of a human being at a barrel of oil.

It just makes your heart tingle!

I am having such a great day today!!! Well, I am actually having a long day but some kiddo’s dropped off a bag of goodies and that just made my day.
I volunteer with a local underprivileged school in the area and today the kids are in my building thanking everyone who volunteers. I read to the kids, my kids are 1st graders and for the most part they are adorable. Sure, most of them are so bad that sometimes I think they are the devils spawn but for the most part they are decent kids. Except for that girl that looks at me raisers her hands towards me and calls me “Daddy”. That is just way to uncomfortable.
Anyway, I digress. The kids are in my office and they came by with a little reminder that today is “Ice Cream Social Day” and they would really enjoy it if we could all make it. Basically what we are going to do is sit around, talk to the kids and make them feel special. Along with their message they delivered a small brown paper bag, kind of like the one used to buy coffee, and on it was a cute little note with a bead that says “TOIT”. The note is a thanks for getting “around to it” and the bag is filled with goodies such as cookies, muffins, and chocolate. All of my favorite stuff, who say’s volunteering doesn’t pay off? Actually, the reward comes around Christmas when you get a HUGE hand made Christmas card with little special notes from the kids. The first year I volunteered I almost cried when the card was delivered to me. I still have that card and it is a good reminder of why I volunteer with these kids.
I recently got a call from another group I use to volunteer a few years ago and they asked me to be a judge in their competitions. I think the competitions are towards the middle of next month and I am really looking forward to doing this. The group is for Hispanic 8th grade students and it helps them build their public speaking skills through debate, acting, impromptu speaking, and one other category that I can’t remember right now. I am thinking about volunteering with this group again this coming school year but I have to consider if I really have the time to get involved. I would have to give up two evenings a week for about 4 or 5 months and train these kids to beat their competitors. The reward here is just as big as with the small kids. I have a note from one of my first students when he was applying as a volunteer with the program and his reason for wanting to volunteer was because he wanted to help other students the way I had helped him. It just makes my heart tingle all over!!

Nothing to Say!!!

People seem to know exactly when to bring up the worst subject. I was over at a friends house and my friend brought up the subject of my ex. It has been over 1 year since we dated, it has been over 1 year since I talked to them about him. It wasn't the best time to bring up that conversation since I was already a little sensitive about the issue. I flew his question off by changing the subject but it made me wonder, why is it that ex's become more interesting after you are no longer together? What is it about them that attracts you and keeps bringing you back to them? I thought about it but I still don't have the answer, it could be that we forget about all of the asinine things they did or the times you were sure he had an evil twin brother.
This brings me to another interesting subject; I found out on Saturday that my friend Tomas is dating his ex-boyfriend again. They broke up about 9 months ago and they were both miserable for a major part of it. I did not know him while they were dating so I only have his side of the story but I did meet his ex about a year and a half ago at a friends party and he is a total and complete ass. The guy is rude, inconsiderate, overly-sensitive....the guy has no personality, wait, that is not true, he has a BAD personality. Anyway, it seems Tomas was going to keep him a secret until he figured out where the whole thing was going. Tomas and I were talking on the phone about our plans for the weekend and when it came down to telling me what he was doing on Saturday he was extremely secretive so I knew something was up. He finally broke down on Saturday and called me to tell me he had a date with his ex. I really don't get it!! But it is not for me to question, I am just here to listen and observe.

Here is a recap of my weekend:
Friday:
My nephew had a birthday party at Main Event and it was AWESOME. I know I was suppose to be there to help chaperone the kids but I had such a great time. The laser tag was definitely the best event, it was a great way to get your heart rate up and a good way to get some aggression out. I decided that if I ever call in sick I want to go and spend a few hours there playing games.

I saw the movie Mean Girls with my friend Ivan and his roommate Jennifer, it was cute, predictable, and funny. I liked it, it is not the kind of movie I usually like to watch but I really enjoyed it.

Saturday:
Shopping, lots of shopping. I am looking for an entertainment center. I found three that I am interested in, one of them was at the Old Home Supply Store but they want way to much. I also found one at Pottery Barn type store but it won't be on sale until August or September. The third one was at the Lemon House, I don't know why I go there...every time I do I end up regretting it. This time the owner followed me around and told me story's of her son and the cult he belongs to. Not exactly pleasant conversations. I may call a guy I talk to every once in a while and see if he has anything, he owns a cabinet making business and he re-finishes antiques. He always has good stuff available...But it is a bit pricey.

I also had the opportunity to see Margaret Cho this weekend. She was so funny, I may have to use some of her material :) Seyd and Ash had an extra ticket so they called and invited me at the last minute. I was already in Arlington so I was able to make it on time. After the show I ran into two guys from the past. It was strange to see them again.

Sunday: My Day!!!
Was very productive, I cooked for the week, worked on the weeds in my yard and planted some flowers. I am not sure what to do about the weeds, they seem to be taking over. I went to Lowe's and bought a weed killer but I woke up this morning and all of my weeds were still there. I bought an extra bottle just in case the first one didn't work. If they are still there on Wednesday I am planning on doing the whole thing over again. Damn those weeds, I will get rid of them. That is my promise!!!

I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought.

So I change my mind

I am not doing it.
They offered me 12k more. But I won't get tuition reimbursement, here i get 5250, if I decide to drive up there I will have to spend $40 more a week on gas which brings it close to 2k, and then there is wear and tear on my car.

If I decide to move up there I will have to pay for my mortgage. Right now I don't have a mortage payment.

I am lost.

Confused...oh so confused

I have pretty much decided I am taking the job but now I just have to tell my boss. I am more afraid of telling him than I am of starting a new position.
I know it is for the best and I am sure I will do great at my new position...but I still have a lot of strong feelings.
This morning I read my inspirational book "Who Moved My Cheese?" and I asked my self a questions:What would I do if I wasn't scared? Well, I would take the money and run, I would be open to new experiences and I would love it there. I would get use to the drive or I would move closer to that area.

I also read the statement that says something like "Keep smelling the cheese, you will know when it gets stale" and I think my current position will be stale once I finish my project. A guy I use to know would say "Anything that is stagnant stinks" and it is true, I think my position has been stagnant with mild periods of activity every now and then.

So here is my decision: I am taking the job. But when I tell my boss I am going to suggest that they make me an associate manager here and I can oversee two departments with a nice pay increase. I don't think they are going to go for that but it is worth a shot.

WOW!!!! What-to-do!!!

I just received an offer for the job I interviewed for on Monday and I am scared. I am very scared. At this time I think I am going to take it and just suck it up and make the drive to Irving every day. I can't turn it down, the money is too good.
I am scared, I am nerovous, I am excited at the same time.
What do I do?

It hit me!!

The funny thing about loneliness is that you never know when it is going to hit you. Sure, if sit down and analyze the events of the past few weeks you would have known it was coming but who actually sits down and analyzes every event in their life? In a way being lonely is similar to being happy, you don’t really know how happy something or someone makes you until they are gone. I believe it is the same with loneliness. Being lonely is just a necessary emotion to help you move on and get you motivated. Sure I am lonely now but what can I do to get over it? Well, for one thing I can stop listening to Norah Jones and the song “Come Away with Me” which reminds me of my ex and makes me a little depressed. I could also be more social, and I could stop thinking of how lonely I would be if I was to move to the Dallas/Irving area. I don’t know anyone up there but I would make friends quick, I am a very friendly guy. I could get involved in group activities, join new organizations. The possibilities are endless. No more sitting around feeling lonely I am done with Norah Jones, I am done with it all (for today).

The Mind Forgets but the Heart Always Remembers

It has been a year since I dialed his number and I was sure I had forgotten it by now but I just picked up the phone and I dialed his number. I got his voice mail and it was great to hear his voice even if it was just a recording.

The mind forgets, but the heart always remembers.

Decisions, Decisions!?!?!?!???????

I had an interview with Michaels Art and Craft Stores today and it went really well. The job is in the bag, as they say, if I want it but I am not sure I am ready to leave my current employer. No wait, that is wrong. I am not sure this position is what I am looking for. The pay is great, it will be a lot more than what I am currently making and they will give me some great benefits but I am not sure it is all worth it.
Pros:
$$$$$$
New Experiences
New Responsibilities
More Aggressive Environment
Opportunity for Growth

Cons:
The job is in Irving, 45-60 minute drive
Does not have any direct reports to the position but it is a management position
Does not offer tuition reimbursement
I would work with an old co-worked that hates me (and I hate her) with a passion.
Did I mention it is really far?


I am going to think about it because I am very confused right now. If I take the job I don’t think I would be willing to commute to Irving every morning so I would probably end up moving closer to that area. If I move, then the money I get will not be enough to cover the extra housing expenses and the tuition cost that I will have to pay out of pocket.

What surprises me the most is how many people are surprised that I am ready to leave my current employer. I have been here for a little over 5 years and I think it is time to go, everyone else thinks I should stick around and see what the future holds. I think I have learned all I can learn from this place and I should probably take my experience and go profit somewhere else.

My other option is to go back to school full time and just enjoy life.

Today during my interview I had a deja vu moment. I was sitting there being interviewed by the vice president and all of a sudden I stopped listening to him because I was trying to remember what happened next. As he kept talking I knew I had already lived through all of it. But I couldn’t remember if I accepted the position or not. Maybe I will dream about it tonight, I wish I didn’t have to make a decision on this. I am working on a big project and I would hate to leave in the middle of it and leave everyone here stuck with what I started but on the other hand I would hate to let an opportunity pass me by. I don’t want to burn any bridges so I am not sure how I am going to approach my boss about this one. I am very confident that he is not going to make me a counter offer to try to keep me here. He has strong feelings about letting people leave if they want to leave, no matter how valuable they are to the organization. His belief is that if they want to leave they will leave no matter how much money they are being offered. So I have a lot of thinking to do, the position has not been formally offered to me but I think it is going to happen on Wednesday. Stay tuned for the next episode of as Cesar’s World Turns.

My Busy/Crazy Weekend

There are times when I am so exhausted by my weekend that I wish I had no friends. This weekend was extremely crazy, and it all comes down to my need to socialize so I over booked myself and I end up running from one corner of the metroplex to the other.

Saturday I had to get up at 6 in order to take a practice GMAT test at 7:30. I did horrible by the way. My friends Sarah and Will ran into my ex on Saturday also, but I won’t write to much about that right now because I am afraid of what I will say. Right now I am referring to him as the “Son of a Bitch”. I have a theory on ex-boyfriends that I will have to write about later.
Anyway, back to my crazy weekend. So after my test I ran over to my favorite bakery to pick up a dessert for my boss’s Cinco De Mayo party. I had to be at home by 11 to change for a baptism I had to go to at 12, at 1:30 I met my sister for lunch, and at 3 I had to be at my boss’s party. My point is that it was a crazy weekend but I had so much fun.

My boss’s party was so much fun, everyone there was extremely nice and they had live entertainment. Their parties are always very exciting.

Sunday I was suppose to go to Canton Trade Days with Chico but he called on Saturday and he was so sick. Luckily Seyd called that afternoon and they went with me. I had a great time at Canton, I am sure it was because Seyd and Ash went with me. J
The main purpose of the trip was to look at dogs and I fell in love about 10 times that day. I saw so many beautiful dogs that I just absolutely loved. I did see a Labradoodle but it was a first generation (F1) and those dogs are more likely to shed than an F2. It was also a full size dog and I was looking for the miniature (20 – 30 lbs) version. I am going to do some research and see if I can find a breeder that has this size available.

I also fell in love with a catouhoud (sp?) that was adorable. There was also a black and white poodle that was adorable, but can you see me walking a poodle? It was very cute though and I might have to consider a full blood poodle.

I learned a thing or two about myself this weekend, and that is that I give my opinion/advice way to freely. I am going to work on that, I realize that most people don’t particularly care what my views or opinions are.